Cranky Hazel's Cake Read online

  A movement in one of the front garden’s caught her eye. Cranky Hazel stopped and stared.

  ‘Hmm,’ she growled.

  Two brothers were standing in one of the front gardens, watching their dad slosh soapy water over his car, then rub the side of the car with a sponge. The big boy, who had stubbly brown hair, munched down the last bit of his ice cream cone, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, then looked over at his little brother, who had longer, curly brown hair. The smaller boy was licking his nearly WHOLE ice cream slowly, obviously enjoying every little bit of it. The big boy checked to see where his father was, which happened to be round the other side of the car, then snatched the ice cream out of his brother’s hand. In three snorting munches, he’d finished the whole lot.

  ‘Hey, that’s not right,’ Cranky Hazel growled under her breath, and Brainbox shook his head from side to side, tutting. If there was one thing Cranky Hazel HATED MOST in life, it was a BULLY!

  It took the young boy a couple of seconds to take in what had happened. Then he looked up at his brother and opened his mouth. Brainbox braced himself for an ear splitting scream, but Cranky Hazel had an idea. She quickly flicked her wand, and a mass of ice cream cone shaped glitter stars WHOOSHED over the little boy, who suddenly found he was holding the LARGEST, STICKIEST most AMAZING ice cream he’d ever seen in his LIFE. Red, pink, blue and yellow scrummy ice cream balls sat in a chocolate wafer cone. Toffee fudge sauce with marshmallow pieces on top of it oozed down the sides of the ice cream in yummy rivers. It was much better than the boring vanilla ice cream his brother had just nicked from him.

  ‘Wow,’ shouted the boy.

  The elder boy blinked twice, then reached for his brother’s new ice cream.

  ‘Dad,’ shouted the young boy, ready for it the second time round. ‘Darren’s trying to steal my ice cream.’

  ‘Darren, leave your brother alone,’ the dad said, sticking his head round the side of the car so he could see what was going on. ‘I’m sick of you picking on him. Do something useful for once, come here and help me wash the car.’

  Cranky Hazel cackled under her breath as the little boy sat down on the doorstep, enjoying his GIANT ice cream in peace, as the elder one stomped towards the soapy car, his face as moody as a thunder cloud. None of them noticed the little witch and shadowy grey cat watching them.

  ‘Come on,’ Brainbox said, an unmistakeable grin beneath his whiskers. ‘We’d better go. If we don’t hurry up a bit we won’t have time to make the cake before Ellie gets back.’

  ‘Fine,’ Cranky Hazel cackled, and stamped off down the road, swinging the bag of shopping. With a flick of his tail, Brainbox turned and followed her.

  Chapter Five

  How To Make A Cake

  ‘Tie my apron up at the back please, Brainbox,’ Cranky Hazel growled. She was standing next to her black kitchen counter, staring at the row of ingredients. Black kitchen scales, a grey mixing bowl, a rusty cake tin and a dark brown wooden spoon lay behind them. Brainbox padded behind her and tied a neat bow with his paws.

  ‘I’ve already told you we don’t need the baked beans, cheese, chocolate biscuits, chips and sausages to make the cake,’ he said, jumping on to the counter.

  ‘Are you a silly ninny or somethin’?’ Cranky Hazel growled. ‘How many times do I have to tell you that baked beans, cheese, chocolate biscuits, chips and sausages are ELLIE’S FAVOURITE FOODS. I bet she’d be really upset if I didn’t put them in her cake.’

  ‘Fine,’ Brainbox said. ‘I tell you what, you make Ellie a cake YOUR way and I’ll make Ellie a cake MY way. Agreed?’

  ‘Alright Mr Smarty Pants,’ Cranky Hazel growled. ‘You’re on.’

  Brainbox reached up, opened the cupboard and got down another mixing bowl, cake tin and wooden spoon. He reached forwards, picked up the butter and measured out four ounces of it in the scales. Cranky Hazel grabbed the tub and spooned the rest of it into her bowl. Then she sloshed the whole tin of baked beans in as well.

  ‘Ooh,’ She cackled. ‘Ellie’s goin’ to love this. Now what?’

  ‘Eggs,’ Brainbox said, daintily cracking two into his bowl, then throwing the shells in the bin.

  Cranky Hazel grabbed the box and smashed the four remaining eggs into her bowl, sending yoke, egg white and bits of shell flying all over the kitchen. She stared at the bowl with her head on one side, then picked up the packet of chocolate biscuits, threw it on the floor and stamped on it, CRUNCH! CRUNCH! She picked up the now floppy packet and emptied the biscuit bits into her mixing bowl.

  ‘There,’ she growled, wiping her hands on her apron. ‘That looks more like it.’

  Brainbox picked up his spoon and stirred his butter and eggs together carefully. Cranky Hazel grabbed her spoon and stirred her eggs, baked beans, butter and bits of biscuits together really fast, pretending she was an electric whisk. WHIZZ WHIZZ. Bits of the gloopy, crunchy mixture splattered out over Cranky Hazel’s face.

  ‘Whoops!’ She screeched. ‘This mixin’ is hurtin’ my arm, Brainbox. Can’t I just use magic for this bit?’

  ‘No,’ he said, sternly. ‘Ellie’s cake has to be made the HUMAN way from start to finish, or she might not like it.’

  ‘Fine,’ Cranky Hazel snapped, her arm whizzing even faster. After two minutes she stopped, panting, and slammed the wooden spoon down on to the counter. ‘Now what?’

  ‘Watch me,’ Brainbox said, as he measured out four ounces of sugar in the scales then carefully poured the white granules on top of his mixture.

  ‘Easy peasy lemon squeezy,’ Cranky Hazel cackled, and tipped the rest of the sugar into her bowl. Then she stared at the bowl with her hands on her hips for a few seconds. ‘Hang on a minute,’ she growled. ‘It needs a little somethin’ extra.’ She opened the bag of frozen chips and chucked in four handfuls. ‘That should do it.’

  Brainbox raised his eyes to the ceiling, then picked up the bag of self-raising flour.

  ‘Now,’ he said. ‘We measure out four ounces of flour.’ He picked up the big bag.

  ‘Come on, hurry up slow coach,’ Cranky Hazel drummed her foot on the floor waiting for him to finish. As soon as he did, she seized the bag and emptied the flour into her bowl so fast it came out in a puffy cloud that turned her face and witch’s hat completely white.

  ‘PAH!’ She yelled, rubbing her hand across her eyes. ‘Yuk! Bakin’ the human way is REALLY MESSY! Now what?’

  ‘Now we stir the mixture again,’ Brainbox said, picking up his spoon. He stirred his until it was creamy and smooth.

  Cranky Hazel picked up her spoon and stirred the chips, flour and sugar into the biscuit bits, eggs, baked beans and butter. Her mixture was chunky, bumpy and multi coloured.

  ‘Yum yum,’ she licked her lips. ‘Mine looks MUCH better than yours.’

  ‘If you say so,’ Brainbox said. He pulled a cake tin towards him with his paw, then poured his mixture into it.

  Cranky Hazel watched, then poured HER mixture into the other cake tin. Then she opened the packet of sausages and stood them upright like soldiers throughout the tin, then laid chunks of cheese all over the top of them.

  ‘Hurray,’ she cackled, standing back and staring at the finished product. ‘Mine’s a BEAUTIFUL work of art. Don’t feel bad that yours looks so BORIN’, Brainbox.’

  ‘Yes, er, righto,’ Brainbox said, looking at his smooth mixture proudly.

  ‘So how do we bake the cakes then?’ Cranky Hazel growled. ‘We can’t use the cauldron, Mum’s stew’s still cookin’ and we’re goin’ to eat that later for dinner. Shall I do a bakin’ spell?’ She reached for her wand.

  ‘NO,’ Brainbox shouted, holding out his paw. ‘We need to use the oven.’

  ‘Oh right,’ Cranky Hazel growled, scratching her head, looking round her kitchen. ‘I didn’t know we had one.’

  When both cake tins were on the top shelf of the oven and Brainbox had turned the dial to the right temperature, Cranky Hazel pulled a chair in front of the oven and sat dow
n.

  ‘I’m not movin’ till it’s ready,’ she growled, leaning forwards. Brainbox chuckled, then turned to start the washing up.

  Chapter Six

  Ellie Judges The Cakes

  Cranky Hazel hopped from one foot to the other while Brainbox slowly opened the oven door. They stared at the two VERY different creations inside. One was smooth, round and golden. The other had completely EXPLODED out of the cake tin; burnt cheese sat smoking on top of brown sausages, which protruded from a lumpy sea of baked beans, crispy chips, over-cooked biscuit bits and fluffy sponge cake. It looked like something you might expect to find at the bottom of a dustbin.

  ‘Oh Cranky Hazel, I’m SO sorry –‘ Brainbox began.

  ‘Its – its PERFECT!’ Cranky Hazel shouted, clapping her hands. ‘I’ve never seen such a SCRUMPTIOUS lookin’ cake in my life. Sorry yours didn’t turn out very interestingly,’ she raised her eyes at Brainbox’s sponge cake.

  Brainbox opened his mouth, then shut it again.

  ‘Right.’ He said. ‘Yes. Absolutely. Yours does indeed look, er, unbelievable.’

  While Brainbox mixed up some white icing and Cranky Hazel was admiring her cake, Ellie’s face appeared at the kitchen window.

  ‘Ellie!’ Cranky Hazel cackled, going over to open the back door. ‘You’re back. Did you have a completely horrible time at your grandparent’s house without me?’

  ‘Of course I did,’ Ellie said, flinging her arms around her friend and giving her a tight squeeze. ‘It would have been MUCH better if you’d been there. Ooh, what’s that funny smell?’

  ‘That,’ Cranky Hazel growled. ‘Is what the AMAZIN’ surprise I just made for you smells like.’

  ‘I like surprises,’ Ellie said, trying to peer round Cranky Hazel. What is it, can I see?’

  ‘Perhaps,’ Brainbox said quickly as he deftly smoothed icing all over his cake with a knife. ‘We should just explain to Ellie that we BOTH made our OWN versions of the surprise.’

  ‘Ooh, two surprises, even better,’ Ellie laughed.

  Cranky Hazel cleared her throat.

  ‘Brainbox and I,’ she growled. ‘Have both made you Welcome Home cakes, because we missed you so much this weekend. Brainbox tried hard but mine’s definitely the best.’

  She stepped aside. Brainbox slid his perfectly iced cake back next to Cranky Hazel’s mountainous one. Ellie’s mouth fell open as she stared from one to the other. She took in the smooth, round edges, the careful icing and the flat, circular top of Brainbox’s cake. Then she stared at the higgledy piggledy eruption of sausages, chips, baked beans, biscuit bits and cheese amid mountains of fluffy sponge cake that made up Cranky Hazel’s cake.

  ‘I think,’ she said, concentrating hard and not looking at either Cranky Hazel or Brainbox. ‘That they are BOTH perfect cakes in different ways.’

  Brainbox grinned, then stalked off towards the cutlery drawer.

  Cranky Hazel nudged Ellie.

  ‘Mine’s really your favourite isn’t it?’ She growl-whispered as Brainbox pulled out a knife.

  ‘Yes,’ Ellie whispered back. ‘Yours is amazing. No one’s EVER made me a cake with ALL my favourite food in it before! Thank you very much, it was a wonderful idea.’

  ‘Yes it was, wasn’t it,’ Cranky Hazel growled, looking pleased.

  ‘Who’s would you like a slice of first?’ Brainbox said, his eyes gleaming.

  ‘Ooh, pick mine, pick mine,’ Cranky Hazel shrieked.

  ‘I think,’ Ellie said. ‘That yours is just TOO beautiful to eat, Cranky Hazel. Perhaps we could all have a slice of Brainbox’s?’

  ‘Of course,’ Brainbox said, holding the knife with his paw and cutting his cake up while Cranky Hazel took three black side plates out of the cupboard. ‘It would be my pleasure.’ He carefully placed three big slices on the three plates.

  So then Ellie, Cranky Hazel and Brainbox munched away in the black and grey kitchen while real and fake spider webs hung above their heads, discussing how brilliant the cakes were between mouthfuls.

  A little bit later, Ellie’s mum Claire, (who wasn’t NEARLY as bossy as Cranky Hazel thought she was), came round to see how everything was going and to say that dinner was nearly ready. Ellie asked her mum to take a photo of Cranky Hazel’s cake with her phone, which she did, saying she’d print the photo out when she had time so that Ellie always had a picture of the AMAZING “Welcome Home” cake her best friend had made specially for her.

  Cranky Hazel got into her long, thin bed and pulled up her black and grey stripy duvet VERY HAPPILY that night, pleased that her best friend Ellie was back next door, and EXTREMELY pleased that she’d made her such an AMAZIN’ welcome home cake. She was looking forwards to the fun they’d have the next day when Ellie came home from school, because after all, having fun was what Cranky Hazel and Ellie did best. Brainbox curled up on top of Cranky Hazel’s feet and within minutes the pair of them were fast asleep, both dreaming of baking cakes...THE HUMAN WAY!